The last five years or so have by far been the most difficult of my life. From fighting off a serial rapist, to being on welfare, to being a week away from homelessness, to other horrific events, it is more than one person should have to live through, let alone a single mom with two small kids.
But here I am, a woman who is steady and strong and stable. I am happy and fearless and successful in my own way. But I did not get here on my own, I got here with the help and support of family, friends and different organizations.
I was on the welfare to work program in California which allowed me to go to school and change my career to what it is today. I was able to rent a room for all three of us for hardly any money from an awesome lady who is still my friend to this day. Those are some of the best memories I have, being in that house finding my way.
One of my many objectives to moving here to Colorado was to get on my feet and be financially independent. Last year I was able to get off of food stamps and this year I am letting go of the remaining supportive organizations.
There is one in particular that specifically helps single moms. They have helped me through the holidays by buying presents for my kids, they provided us with meals and even sent my kids to summer camp. What an absolute gift this was to me, I will forever be grateful. But its time to let it go.
Not that I couldn’t use the extra help, who couldn’t? Especially with the holidays right around the corner, but I feel like if I continually depend on others to provide for us, I will never find my own way of doing it myself. I have always believed we have to make room inside ourselves for the universe to work its magic. If I am always thinking and feeling like I have to depend on this, then I always will have to depend on it. I have to change my thoughts, then my feelings will follow which will change my energy output and then the universe will respond in kind.
I am not afraid to ask for help if I absolutely need it, if I have exhausted all my own resources and creative ideas. But I always find a way, no matter what.