“In a world where death is the hunter, my friend,
there is no time for regrets or doubts.”
–Carlos Castaneda (Journey to Ixtlan)
If you had six months to live, what would you do with your life? This is a question I try to ask myself all the time. Am I truly living my life to the fullest? I don’t think so. I think there is so much more I can do in my life. Some days I look back at and think, what a waste! But really, if I look back at my life and all I have done and experienced, I would say it’s been a decent life, but, I want more! I want to experience as much as I can.
If I really did only have six months to live: I would 100% move back home to California so I could love and be loved by my family and friends. I would write everything I’ve ever wanted to write and make it public, fiction and non-fiction. I would spend time and help the elderly because they’ve always held a special place in my heart. I would give as much as I can to those who need it. I would see as much as my country as I possibly could.
Why do we fear death? Is it the unknown of the afterlife? Or is it we just haven’t finished what we’ve wanted to do while we are alive? I don’t fear the afterlife, I cant, because I have no idea what its all about. Heaven, hell, purgatory, being a ghost, who knows, but I dont fear that. I fear that I will die before accomplishing everything I want to accomplish. I fear laying on my deathbed, reflecting on my life and having regrets.
What would you like to be remembered for? I always say that I want to leave behind a legacy, for my kids, my grandkids, for people in my life and for strangers. Not money, but knowledge and experience. I want people to remember me and say, wow, she really lived her life to the fullest without fear. She inspired me to… Yes, I suppose that is what I really want, to inspire others to live their life to the fullest.
Have you lived how you truly wanted to live? There is a difference between living your life how you are “supposed” to live it and living it how you “want” to live it. Lately it seems I have been doing what I am supposed to be doing, not really what I truly want to be doing. Maybe that is why I’ve been feeling restless, why I am always searching for my next move, the next chapter in my book, for more-always searching for more.
To be quite honest, I’m scared to live my life how I really want to, I fear failure and starvation, not just for me, but for my kids. I fantasize about a certain lifestyle that others would definitely think I would be crazy to live. The money part of it scares me and I hate that because I hate having to be so dependent on money.
So I believe this would be the next step for me, the next chapter in my crazy book. To get over these fears and to truly live my life how I want to live, I will regret it if I don’t.