Kicking Ass in Finances, Fitness & Crying

This morning I totally kicked ass and then it kicked mine!

I really need some workout pants, I have like two pairs I can run/workout in.  I was planning on going out and buying some, then I decided to use some old scrub pants that I have.  I cant wear them for my current job because they are the wrong color but they are perfect for jogging in! I ended up scrounging up FIVE pairs of scrub pants! This saved me quite a bit of money, at least $50! I am very excited about this. ChaChing! Now that is Making Every Dime Count!

After working a 10 hour graveyard shift, I strapped on my Vibrams and headed out for my jog (Yup, I kick ass!).  It felt great, and I was totally in my zone. It was dark still, so I had my headlamp on for safety and visibility.  I’ve got my rhythm down, I’m in my zone, feeling good, and next thing I know, I tripped and totally fell-it freakin’ hurt! And it was totally embarrassing, a car even slowed down to make sure I was okay….ugh!  After a few cuss words, I got back up, and kept going, which I was really proud of myself for.  Part of me was pissed, because I am so damn clumsy-the first thought I had was, “Fuck the uneven sidewalks! I need a treadmill, a track, or a bicycle.”  But still, I ran on, being mindful of every crack in the sidewalk. (hmmm….a bicycle….)

I knew my knee was bleeding from my fall, and my the calf of my other leg hurt because I had twisted it somehow, so I was in some pain while I finished my run.  Physical pain for me, always seems to stir up deep emotions. So I’m jogging, in pain, and I start thinking about The Big Evil Bastard (story to come…maybe) and the tears start flowing. Then the tears turned to sobs, and the sobs turned into that gut wrenching, heaving bawling that forced me to slow down to a walk, just to catch my breath.

It was probably the most therapeutic cry I’ve had in a long time.  And I think is is fascinating that physical pain can open up an emotional floodgate that I didn’t realize I had locked up.  I’m going to have to do some research on this, not that I’m going to go out and do anymore pain therapy, but I’d like to know the connection.

Also, it got me thinking about sharing another scary story, one that involves other people, which makes me hesitant. But I feel it’s important to share because going through it just about did me in, for good. And maybe there is someone else going through it right now, and it’s an important issue overall.  It’ll be hard to write, even thinking about it is making my stomach roll. But maybe, also, this will give me some closure, which I apparently need!

It’s time to write it.



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