Small Dreams for a Fat Girl

I usually have pretty vivid dreams that stick with me for a couple of days. They are colorful and intense and the feeling of them lingers throughout the day.  I always try to interpret my dreams, even though I don’t have any skill or professional knowledge on doing so. Basically, I ask myself, why am I dreaming about this? What is my subconscious mind trying to tell me?

For the last two nights I’ve had pretty vivid dreams. The first one was about a miniature Golden Retriever. She was so precious and loyal. The weird thing is, I’m not a dog person at all! But I had this sweet little dog who I would not want to give up at all. In my dream, one of the things I loved about her was how small she was. She was just the perfect size to hug and snuggle with.

Last night, I dreamed I met a man. We were sitting down talking and really enjoying each others company.  He even kissed me and it was perfect! We stood up to say good bye and he was so short!! He only came up to my boobs! And the look on his face when he saw how big I was, was shock and disappointment. I didn’t care that he was shorter than me, but I don’t think he liked how big I was.

I’m not even that tall, 5’7″. But I have gained an exceptional amount of weight in the last six months and I believe that is where these dreams are stemming from. I have mentally been trying to be comfortable in my skin, but lately, its just not working. My clothes are getting tighter and tighter and I feel very claustrophobic most of the time. I have a scar that runs along my throat from surgery a couple of years ago, and lately, its been choking me. Just pulling at my neck and that is only happening because of my weight gain.

I feel huge. I do. I wore an outfit to work yesterday that made me feel absolutely enormous! My boobs are gigantic, my ass is wide, and my thighs are definitely in the thunder-thigh range and my gut, oh its is not comfortable at all! I haven’t really tried to think about my weight until recently. I didn’t care. I just wanted to enjoy myself for a while and not worry about what I was eating.

But it has caught up with me and my dreams are telling me so. It is bothering me more than I’m pretending it is and its time to do something about it. Its time to really get serious about my health and make some decisions here. As much as I want to, I cant live off of pizza and booze.

Today is February 1st and a new month always feels like a fresh start for me. Time to do some research and figure out the best things for me to eat and not to eat.

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